Grim Fandango Dialog Transcript

Grim Fandango Dialog Transcript
© LucasArts Entertainment Company LLC. All rights reserved.

(Introduction)

INT. Manny's Office DAY

Manny Sorry for the wait, Mr. Flores.
Manny I am ready to take you now.
Celso Take me? Take me where?
Manny Now, now...
Manny There's no need to be nervous.
Celso N-nervous? N-no... I-i-it's just your appearance... It's, well, a little intimidating...
Manny Looks like I got a message.
Manny It's some sort of special work order...
Eva To: All agents. From: Office Manager Don Copal.
Copal All right you boneheads, thank your lucky stars and get to your freakin' cars!
Copal We have a mass poisoning on our hands!
Copal Too many dead to assign specific cases, so all clients are FIRST COME FIRST SERVE!
Copal So, let's see some hustle out there!
Manny Whatever you say, jefe.
Manny My message tube is full of nothing, as usual.
Manny My computer gives me instant access to our database of deadbeats.
Manny Ah the old files, the old clients, the glory days...
Manny When people died with dignity, and Domino Hurley didn't exist.
Manny It's a deck of cards.
Manny Better take these cards-- it looks like a long day of solitaire for me.
Manny This deck of cards is a little frayed around the edges.
Manny Then again, so am I, and I've got fewer suits.
Manny This deck of cards is a little frayed around the edges.
Manny Then again, so am I, and I've got fewer suits.
Manny This deck of cards is a little frayed around the edges.
Manny Then again, so am I, and I've got fewer suits.
Manny I keep meaning to mark these cards...

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny (Sigh.) My old door.
Manny It's my boss' secretary, Eva.
Eva It's my boss' whipping boy, Manny.
Manny Buenos Días.
Eva Manny? Why aren't you at the poisoning?
Manny What poisoning?
Eva Yeah, the code three gazpacho poisoning that everybody's at but you!
Eva Why do I send out memos if no one reads them?
Manny Where was the poisoning again?
Eva Just ask your driver for crying out loud. He'll know.
Manny Any messages for me?
Eva Besides the one about the poisoning?
Manny Yeah.
Eva I only have one other message for you, Manny...
Eva I'm not your secretary!
Eva I don't take your messages!
Eva So get it through your thick skull, and stop forwarding your phone to me!
Manny Alright, but that sounded more like FOUR messages to me.
Manny In my heart, though, you're still my secretary.
Eva Manny, what are you talking about?
Eva I was NEVER your secretary, even when you were on top.
Eva I got one boss, same as you--Don Copal.
Manny Come on. I know you work for another man besides Don.
Eva Wh--
Eva Wh...What are you talking about?
Manny I know you take memos for Hurley some times.
Eva Ah, Manny. Just beat it, will ya?
Manny Where is everybody?
Eva Oh, Manny, did you forget what day it is today?
Manny Oh, man. Did I come in on Saturday again?
Eva It's the Day of the Dead!
Eva Everybody's back in the Land of the Living, visiting their families, like we should be.
Manny Why aren't you visiting your family today?
Eva Ah, the boss is here so I gotta be here.
Eva How about you, Cal?
Manny No one back there I want to see.
Eva ...and you don't want Domino here alone, getting all the good leads.
Manny Domino's here?
Eva He's at the poisoning right now, stealing your commission.
Manny So... you going to the Christmas party?
Eva After the spectacle you made of yourself last year?
Eva I wouldn't miss it for the world!
Manny Any good gossip?
Eva Well, I heard Domino got a raise.
Manny Por favor. Tell me some good news, why don't ya?
Eva I still love you.
Manny You're all I really need, Belleza.
Manny I forget... am I supposed to be somewhere right now?
Eva Manny, do I have to explain your job to you again?
Manny No, but I'd like to hear your description of it, just for kicks.
Eva Well, the Manuel Calavera that I know picks up people in the Land of the Living...
Manny Dead people.
Eva Preferably.
Eva And he brings them here and tries valiantly to sell them the best travel package they qualify for.
Eva If he sells enough premium packages, our hero will be free to leave the Land of the Dead.
Eva Until then, he and I are stuck here...
Eva ...having the same conversation...
Eva ...over and over again for eternity.
Manny Well, enough about me. What's your job like?
Eva Like babysitting, except I don't get to watch TV.
Manny What if we just skipped town tonight?
Manny You and me, baby!
Eva Thanks for the offer, but we'd never make it out of the city alive.
Manny But...
Eva In one piece, I mean.
Manny I bet I could get out, if I really tried.
Eva Oh, Manny. Look at you.
Eva You're a trapped soul, and you don't even know it.
Manny Why do some clients qualify for better travel packages?
Eva They led good lives.
Manny Que traes! How do you define a "good" life?
Eva Better than yours and mine.
Manny So, what did you do in life to get stuck here?
Eva What I did back in the fat days is none of your business. You know the rules.
Manny Busy as ever, I see.
Eva I'd have more work to do if you had more clients.
Manny Ouch!
Manny Well, I gotta go hit the bricks.
Eva Okay, you show those bricks a lesson.
Manny Ah, the big, golden door to mediocre management.
Eva A little respect for our fearless leader, please.
Manny Why? I've worked here longer than he has, you know.
Eva And you're proud of that?
Manny Hmmm. Good point.

INT. Garage DAY

Manny Here's what I need--wheels!
Manny It's closed.
Manny Hey! Service!
Glottis Hey! Who the--
Glottis Oh, heh, sorry, sir! I didn't expect...
Glottis Sales agents usually don't come over to this part of the garage...
Manny Hey, you a driver?
Glottis Me?
Glottis Ha!
Glottis No.
Glottis No no no.
Glottis I don't ride 'em. Just wrench 'em.
Manny I'm Calavera. Manny Calavera.
Glottis My name's Glottis.
Glottis I don't get many visitors--Hey! I got a message for a Mr. Calavera...
Glottis Uh...
Glottis ...your driver said...
Glottis ...that Mr. Hurley said...
Glottis ...that he could have the rest of the day off.
Manny Domino sent my driver home?
Glottis Yeah, wasn't that nice?
Manny Nice hut.
Glottis Yeah, I wonder how nice it would seem to you if you were TRAPPED in it all day like me.
Manny If you hate your job, why don't you quit?
Glottis It's not just a job. It's what I was created to do.
Glottis If I get any farther away from cars than this, I'll get sick and die.
Glottis It's like I'm not happy unless I'm breathing in the thick, black, nauseating fumes...
Manny Hmm. Can't imagine.
Manny Glottis... Glottis... Is that a German name?
Glottis Oh, no. My roots lie not in any Earthly nation's soil.
Glottis I am an elemental spirit summoned up from the Land of the Dead itself and given one purpose, one skill, one desire:
Glottis to DRIVE.
Glottis Or, to change oil and adjust timing belts, if no driving jobs are open.
Manny Looks like I need a new driver.
Glottis OH!
Glottis I...
Glottis UH... I!
Glottis Uh... I, would agree with that.
Glottis Yes you do.
Manny You want to be my replacement driver?
Glottis ME?
Glottis OH, oh, no. Sorry.
Glottis Can't.
Glottis Rules.
Manny Come on, Glottis. I need you to be my driver.
Glottis No, I can't. I'm... I'm...
Glottis I'm too big.
Manny You're not too big. The cars are just too small.
Glottis Yeah! Those dang compact cars--
Glottis Hey! That gives me an idea!
Glottis I could alter your car just a bit--with just a quick torch job to let out the seams, you know?
Glottis Ah, but I'm not allowed to modify the cars without a work order from upstairs.
Glottis I could lose my job.
Manny A work order, huh?
Glottis Yeah yeah yeah!
Glottis I can't torch anything bigger than a cigarette without one of these signed by the boss himself.
Manny Hey, that's my line--getting people to sign.
Manny Back in a snap.
Glottis Yeah, too small! I'm not too big!
Glottis Everything around here is just too small!
Manny I've got to get this work order signed.

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny Eva, I really need the boss to sign this work order.
Eva I'll give it a shot.
Eva Mr. Copal, I've got Manny Calavera out here to see you...
Copal Didn't I say no interruptions today?
Eva Eh.
Eva Sorry, Cal.
Eva Maybe tomorrow.
Manny That's too late.
Eva Oh yeah, like you're going anywhere.

INT. Lobby DAY

Manny Let's see... where am I on this... Don Copal, Domino Hurley...
Manny Junior sales associates? That better not be me!

EXT Entrance to the Department of Death DAY

Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.

EXT Alley DAY

Manny I don't like the way that eye is looking at me.
Manny It looks like a rope...
Manny ...but it's really just a bunch of cheap ties tied together.

EXT Ledge DAY

Manny It's the loose end of the rope made of ties.
Manny It's pretty long, though...
Manny Those are some ugly ties.
Manny I can't believe I climbed up that thing.
Manny Looks like the Boss has gone fishing.

INT. Copal's Office DAY

Manny This place is a mess!
Manny It looks like Don's rigged his computer to automatically answer his intercom...
Manny I'll just change his auto-response here...
Copal Ah, cripes, Eva! Just sign it yourself, will ya? I'm busy!

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny Eva, I really need the boss to sign this work order.
Eva I'll give it a shot.

(Glottis drives Manny to the Land of the Living)

Eva Mr. Copal? Mr. Calavera has somethin' out here that he says he needs your signature on--
Manny Ah, cripes, Eva! Just sign it yourself, will ya? I'm busy!
Eva You'll have to excuse him, Manny. It's probably a really hard crossword puzzle he's got in there today.
Manny Eva, I'm impressed.
Manny I had no idea you had this kind of power.
Eva Well, we all have our secrets.
Manny Gdak. Gahh. Ahh. Nuhh.
Manny Hey, I look good in this, don't I? Heh heh.
Manny Yeah, well, they say black is slimming...
Manny I'm drivin'! Yeah! I'm drivin'! RrrrrrrrmmmmmmAahaha!
Manny Brrrrrrr!
Manny Por favor.
Manny I coulda walked faster than this!
Manny Rrr, híjole, I'm gonna miss the poisoning!
Manny Brrrrrrr!
Manny Domino!

INT. Diner DAY

Manny Ehhh, the living still give me the creeps.
Manny Look at these poor saps...
Manny It's the fear of Death that makes monsters of us all.
Manny Bound only by the paper-thin wrapper of mortality, a soul here lies, struggling to be free.
Manny And so it shall, thanks to a bowl of bad gazpacho, and a man named Calavera.
Bruno Nice bathrobe.

(Manny gives Bruno an economy travel package)

INT. Lobby DAY

Manny ...but we offer several travel package upgrades if you'd care to--
Bruno Cut the yap. I want something cheap where I can get some rest, and that's it.
Manny Ay ay ay.
Manny You know, Manny, I could make this car a little faster. If you wanted...
Manny Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Manny Oh yeah, slam the front into the weeds, tub the rear end, dual blowers poppin' outta the hood!
Manny Wah-wah-wah-wah-WAAAAAH! Wah-wah-wah-wah-WAAAAAAAAHAAAAHHH!
Manny You'll get plenty of rest this way, Mr. Martinez, and you'll be safely padded by the foam created when these two chemicals mix, like this.
Bruno Uh, on second thought, I wanna upgrade my package!
Manny Sorry, Bruno, but you didn't qualify for anything better.
Manny But here, have this complimentary mug!
Bruno No! Wait! Can't you find me something where I can move my legs?
Manny You know I'd like to, Bruno...
Manny ...but my boss is a real hard-ass.
Manny I gotta be a hard-ass when I got lazy sickle-wavers like THIS jolly boy working for me! Manny, you couldn't find a sale at a yacht club!
Manny I got a sale right here!
Manny I'm talkin' PREMIUM sales, Calavera! Like the kind Domino makes!
Manny How am I supposed to make premium sales with the scumbag clients you're sending me?
Bruno Hey!
Manny Now you're blamin' the clients? I've had it with you, Manny! If you haven't bagged a premium before the next sales report comes in, you're out!
Manny Out on the street! No job! No way to work off your time! Just your fancy suit and your big smile and a whole lotta time to kill!
Bruno Who you callin' a scumbag? Why, I oughta--
Bruno MrmrMRRmr! MrmrMRRmr! MrmrMRRmr! MRR! MrmrMRRmr!
Manny I'm sick of waiting around for a good lead, like it's going to fly in here tied to a brick.
Manny It's time to TAKE one.

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny It's my boss' secretary, Eva.
Eva It's my boss' whipping boy, Manny.
Manny It's a hole punch.
Eva Manny, what are you doing?
Manny Just marking cards, honey.
Manny Hey, you missed a great poisoning.
Eva Yeah, and you missed a great client.
Eva Domino came back from there with a nun.
Manny Híjole - I got a tiny little man with a mean temper and no commission.
Eva Well, at least you don't work for one.
Manny I can't find my driver.
Eva Manny, you know what to do.
Eva Stop playing dumb just to flirt with me.
Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.

INT. Domino's Office DAY

Manny It's Domino Hurley, sweatiest man in the office.
Domino You gotta sweat to sell, Cally, and you know it.
Manny Well, at least you're not hitting the BOTTLE anymore.
Domino Heeeyyy, Cally. How ya doin'?
Manny So, how'd you make out at the poisoning?
Domino Well, let's just say that Sister Calabaza has a secret passion...
Domino ...for trains.
Manny You got a nun?
Domino Hail Mary.
Manny And you sold her a ticket on the Number Nine train?
Domino Choo-choo, little buddy.
Domino Say, how'd you score?
Manny I got a mean midget I had to send parcel post.
Domino Ah, cheer up, Buddy. Another day, another death, am I right?
Manny I want to ask you a question.
Domino Shoot, slugger.
Manny Why do you get all the good clients?
Domino You're asking the wrong guy.
Domino You should be taking a good long look at the man in the mirror.
Manny No thanks. I don't enjoy that the same way you do.
Manny Can I have one of your clients?
Domino Sure, Cal.
Domino Just as soon as I get one I think you could handle...
Manny I can handle anything you got.
Manny Especially if that's your best right jab.
Manny What did you do to get this job?
Domino You mean, what's my secret to success?
Manny No, I mean how did you screw up and get stuck here at the DOD?
Manny What sin did you commit and how long are you going to have to work here to pay it off?
Domino I could easily ask the same question of you.
Manny But I don't know the answer. I still don't know what I've done.
Domino How convenient! Then neither do I.
Manny Is it hard to kiss up to the boss so much with no lips?
Domino Hey, I got all the lip I need.
Domino I get it from you.
Manny I wanna tell you something.
Domino Good, go on and let it all out.
Domino There's no reason for you to be afraid of me.
Manny I think we should team up, be partners.
Domino Oh, Manny, I would, but I'm too intimidated.
Domino I could never be partners with someone who was so much more of a man than me.
Manny Oh, come on.
Manny I've seen your wife.
Manny You know, this used to be my office.
Domino Yeah, I know.
Domino I found your name on some comic books in the desk.
Manny I want my office back.
Domino Don't worry, you'll have years and years to enjoy it after I get promoted out and you're still here.
Manny I think you're up to something.
Domino Yeah, I'm up to about four premium sales this week.
Domino Heh heh.
Manny I wanna punch you in the mouth.
Domino Oh, no. Not the Christmas party all over again.
Manny What happened at the Christmas party?
Domino Blacked out on the whole thing, huh?
Domino Maybe you should switch to lemonade, kid.
Manny Well, you sound pretty out of breath, so I'm going to blow.
Domino Always a pleasure, Cal.
Manny That's some premium-looking scotch.
Domino Have some, Manny, just so you don't forget what "premium" tastes like.
Manny No messages in Dom's fancy red tube.
Manny Hey, Dom. What's your screen-saver password?
Domino Get away from my computer, Manny.
Manny Desk drawers? I don't have desk drawers!

INT. Manny's Office DAY

Manny My message tube is full of nothing, as usual.

INT. Hallway DAY

Eva Big Mr. Boss Man doesn't want to be disturbed today.

INT. Lobby DAY

Tube-Switcher Guy Grmmmble, grrr...
Tube-Switcher Guy You and your fancy suits and your nose holes way up in the air...
Tube-Switcher Guy Sticking your empty beer bottles down the message tubes, how fancy is that?
Tube-Switcher Guy Huh? Don't you boys upstairs realize the tube switcher is a sophisticated and delicate piece of machinery?
Manny Uh...
Tube-Switcher Guy You think you're better than me??
Manny No.
Tube-Switcher Guy Good.

EXT Street Festival DAY

Manny Looks like some sort of crafty mime.
Manny What's goin' down, clown?
balloon twister Hey, back off, Suit.
balloon twister I'm practicing.
Manny Some festival, eh?
balloon twister Yeah, yeah. Pretty busy.
balloon twister My carpal tunnel syndrome is really acting up.
Manny But you don't have any... tendons...
balloon twister Yeah, well you don't have a tongue but that doesn't seem to shut you up, now does it?
Manny Can I walk through your tent? I want to see the parade.
balloon twister Well, walk through someone else's tent, all right? Do I look like a turnstile to you?
Manny BANG!
balloon twister Aaah! Popped another one!
balloon twister Lousy bony fingers!
Manny Practicing what?
balloon twister Wringing your neck, what does it look like?
Manny Could you teach me how to do that?
balloon twister Well, um, since you're a beginner, why don't you practice the first step?
Manny Which is?
balloon twister Blow!
Manny Twist me up one of them, eh fella?
balloon twister Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Twist this, all right?
Manny Bet ya can't do a cat.
balloon twister Shows what you know, buddy.
balloon twister I can do anything.
balloon twister I can do birds, amphibians, famous poets--Go ahead. Name one.
Manny A dead worm.
balloon twister Heck that's easy.
balloon twister There's no limit on those!
Manny My kid wants another balloon animal.
balloon twister Ah geez. What now?
Manny Do you have any more dead worms back there?
balloon twister Well, suuure!
Manny My kid wants another balloon animal.
balloon twister Ah geez. What now?
Manny Robert Frost.
balloon twister Trying to stump me, eh?
balloon twister Ta-da.
Manny The Bread of the Dead.
Manny Since I really didn't get to celebrate the festival this year, I think I'm entitled to a little Pan de Muertos.

INT. Communications Room DAY

Manny It's the sophisticated and delicate hub of all communications here in the Department of Death.
Manny That red tube looks familiar.
Manny "WARNING: Fire System, Do Not Touch."

INT. Packing Room DAY

Manny One of the chemicals for our packing material comes out of there.
Manny It's a nasty chemical puddle.
Manny Ah! That smell!
Manny It's a lump of our packing foam.