Grim Fandango Dialog Transcript

Grim Fandango Dialog Transcript
© LucasArts Entertainment Company LLC. All rights reserved.

(Introduction)

INT. Manny's Office DAY

Manny It's some sort of special work order...
Eva To: All agents. From: Office Manager Don Copal.
Manny Not portable.
Manny Not portable.
Manny Not portable.
Manny My computer gives me instant access to our database of deadbeats.
Manny Better take these cards-- it looks like a long day of solitaire for me.

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny Not picking that up.
Manny It's my boss' secretary, Eva.
Eva It's my boss' whipping boy, Manny.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Buenos Días.
Eva Manny? Why aren't you at the poisoning?
Manny What poisoning?
Eva Yeah, the code three gazpacho poisoning that everybody's at but you!
Eva Why do I send out memos if no one reads them?
Manny Where was the poisoning again?
Eva Just ask your driver for crying out loud. He'll know.
Manny I forget... am I supposed to be somewhere right now?
Eva Manny, do I have to explain your job to you again?
Manny Yes.
Eva Well, the Manuel Calavera that I know picks up people in the Land of the Living...
Manny Dead people.
Eva Preferably.
Eva And he brings them here and tries valiantly to sell them the best travel package they qualify for.
Eva If he sells enough premium packages, our hero will be free to leave the Land of the Dead.
Eva Until then, he and I are stuck here...
Eva ...having the same conversation...
Eva ...over and over again for eternity.
Manny Well, enough about me. What's your job like?
Eva Like babysitting, except I don't get to watch TV.
Manny What if we just skipped town tonight?
Manny You and me, baby!
Eva Thanks for the offer, but we'd never make it out of the city alive.
Manny But...
Eva In one piece, I mean.
Manny I bet I could get out, if I really tried.
Eva Oh, Manny. Look at you.
Eva You're a trapped soul, and you don't even know it.
Manny Why do some clients qualify for better travel packages?
Eva They led good lives.
Manny Que traes! How do you define a "good" life?
Eva Better than yours and mine.
Manny So, what did you do in life to get stuck here?
Eva What I did back in the fat days is none of your business. You know the rules.
Manny Just one more question about my job...
Eva Manny, you know what to do.
Eva Stop playing dumb just to flirt with me.
Manny Any messages for me?
Eva Besides the one about the poisoning?
Manny Yeah.
Eva I only have one other message for you, Manny...
Eva I'm not your secretary!
Eva I don't take your messages!
Eva So get it through your thick skull, and stop forwarding your phone to me!
Manny Alright, but that sounded more like FOUR messages to me.
Manny In my heart, though, you're still my secretary.
Eva Manny, what are you talking about?
Eva I was NEVER your secretary, even when you were on top.
Eva I got one boss, same as you--Don Copal.
Manny Come on. I know you work for another man besides Don.
Eva Wh--
Eva Wh...What are you talking about?
Manny I know you take memos for Hurley some times.
Eva Ah, Manny. Just beat it, will ya?
Manny Busy as ever, I see.
Eva I'd have more work to do if you had more clients.
Manny Ouch!
Manny Where is everybody?
Eva Oh, Manny, did you forget what day it is today?
Manny Oh, man. Did I come in on Saturday again?
Eva It's the Day of the Dead!
Eva Everybody's back in the Land of the Living, visiting their families, like we should be.
Manny Why aren't you visiting your family today?
Eva Ah, the boss is here so I gotta be here.
Eva How about you, Cal?
Manny No one back there I want to see.
Eva ...and you don't want Domino here alone, getting all the good leads.
Manny Domino's here?
Eva He's at the poisoning right now, stealing your commission.
Manny So... you going to the Christmas party?
Eva After the spectacle you made of yourself last year?
Eva I wouldn't miss it for the world!
Manny Any good gossip?
Eva Well, I heard Domino got a raise.
Manny Por favor. Tell me some good news, why don't ya?
Eva I still love you.
Manny You're all I really need, Belleza.
Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.
Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.
Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.
Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.
Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.
Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.
Manny Could I take your hole punch?
Eva Ha! I doubt you could take my HALF punch.
Manny Mind if I use your hole punch?
Eva Knock yourself out.
Manny Thanks.
Eva Gets the aggressions out, doesn't it?
Manny It's a hole punch.
Manny It's a hole punch.
Manny It's a hole punch.
Manny It's a hole punch.
Manny It's a hole punch.
Manny It's a hole punch.
Manny It's a hole punch.
Manny It's a hole punch.
Manny Could I take your hole punch?
Eva Ha! I doubt you could take my HALF punch.
Eva Manny, what are you doing?
Manny Just marking cards, honey.

INT. Lobby DAY

Manny Ah, the old head of the department...
Manny Way before my time.
Manny I heard he was a total slave-driver.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny Good afternoon.
Manny There she is--The Number Nine...
Manny One of these days I'm going to ride her right on outta here!
Manny There she is--The Number Nine...
Manny One of these days I'm going to ride her right on outta here!
Manny There she is--The Number Nine...
Manny One of these days I'm going to ride her right on outta here!
Manny There she is--The Number Nine...
Manny There she is--The Number Nine...
Manny One of these days I'm going to ride her right on outta here!
Manny That's the door to the communications room.
Manny It's locked.
Manny It's locked.

EXT Entrance to the Department of Death DAY

Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.
Manny Yeah, right!
Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.
Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.
Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.
Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.
Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.
Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.
Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.

EXT El Marrow Freeway On Ramp DAY

Manny The Petrified Forest, Rubacava...
Manny Not really that far away, but to me they might as well be on the other side of the world.
Manny The Petrified Forest, Rubacava...
Manny Not really that far away, but to me they might as well be on the other side of the world.
Manny The Petrified Forest, Rubacava...
Manny Not really that far away, but to me they might as well be on the other side of the world.
Manny The Petrified Forest, Rubacava...
Manny Not really that far away, but to me they might as well be on the other side of the world.
Manny The Petrified Forest, Rubacava...
Manny Not really that far away, but to me they might as well be on the other side of the world.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny I'm not walking on the freeway!
Manny I shouldn't even be STANDING here...
Manny I'm not walking on the freeway!
Manny I shouldn't even be STANDING here...

EXT Entrance to the Department of Death DAY

Manny "NO PARKING. Client car pick-up only."
Manny "NO PARKING. Client car pick-up only."
Manny "NO PARKING. Client car pick-up only."
Manny "NO PARKING. Client car pick-up only."
Manny "NO PARKING. Client car pick-up only."

EXT Street Festival DAY

Manny That soul has already been reaped.
Manny Looks like some sort of crafty mime.
Manny Looks like some sort of crafty mime.
Manny I don't want to mess up my blade.
Manny I don't want to mess up my blade.
Manny The Bread of the Dead.
Manny Since I really didn't get to celebrate the festival this year, I think I'm entitled to a little Pan de Muertos.
Manny I'll just take a little more bread, to honor the dead.
Manny I'll just take a little more bread, to honor the dead.
Manny I'll just take a little more bread, to honor the dead.
Manny I've already got one card out, and I'm not dealing more until there's money on the table.
Manny Shoo!
Manny Shoo!
Manny Shoo!
Manny Shoo!
Manny Shoo!
Manny Shoo!
Manny I don't have a net, or a desire to have a pet pigeon.
Manny I don't have a net, or a desire to have a pet pigeon.
Manny Looks like some sort of crafty mime.
Manny Those crates are completely blocking the sidewalk.
Manny What if there were a fire?
Manny I don't need the hernia.
Manny They're just full of party favors, and I'm not in a party mood.
Manny Looks like some sort of crafty mime.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny What's goin' down, clown?
balloon twister Hey, back off, Suit.
balloon twister I'm practicing.
Manny Practicing what?
balloon twister Wringing your neck, what does it look like?
Manny Twist me up one of them, eh fella?
balloon twister Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Twist this, all right?
Manny Bet ya can't do a cat.
balloon twister Shows what you know, buddy.
balloon twister I can do anything.
balloon twister I can do birds, amphibians, famous poets--Go ahead. Name one.
Manny Okay, a cat.
balloon twister Pfft. No problem.
balloon twister Ta-da.
balloon twister Some of my finest work.
balloon twister Don't you think Sparky?
Manny My kid wants another balloon animal.
balloon twister Ah geez. What now?
Manny Can I have another cat?
balloon twister Did you lose the one I gave ya?
Manny No.
balloon twister Well, then just enjoy that one for a while longer, all right?
Manny A dingo.
balloon twister That's my specialty!
balloon twister Ta-da.
Manny My kid wants another balloon animal.
balloon twister Ah geez. What now?
Manny I'll have another dingo, please.
balloon twister Did you lose the one I gave ya?
Manny No.
balloon twister Well, then just enjoy that one for a while longer, all right?
Manny Can I have another cat?
balloon twister Did you lose the one I gave ya?
Manny No.
balloon twister Well, then just enjoy that one for a while longer, all right?
Manny A dead worm.
balloon twister Heck that's easy.
balloon twister There's no limit on those!
Manny My kid wants another balloon animal.
balloon twister Ah geez. What now?
Manny Robert Frost.
balloon twister Trying to stump me, eh?
balloon twister Ta-da.
Manny Looks like some sort of crafty mime.
Manny This doesn't look anything like Robert Frost.
balloon twister Some of my finest work.
balloon twister Some of my finest work.
balloon twister Don't you think Sparky?
balloon twister Some of my finest work.
balloon twister Don't you think Sparky?
Manny My kid wants another balloon animal.
balloon twister Ah geez. What now?
Manny Bet you can't do Robert Frost again.
balloon twister Did you lose the one I gave ya?
Manny No.
balloon twister Well, then just enjoy that one for a while longer, all right?
Manny Do you have any more dead worms back there?
balloon twister Well, suuure!
Manny It's a deflated balloon.
Manny It's a deflated balloon.
Manny It's a squeaky little kitty.
Manny It's a squeaky little kitty.
Manny It's a squeaky little kitty.
Manny It's just a regular-old balloon dog. I don't see what's so "dingo" about it.
Manny Can I walk through your tent? I want to see the parade.
balloon twister Well, walk through someone else's tent, all right? Do I look like a turnstile to you?
Manny Some festival, eh?
balloon twister Yeah, yeah. Pretty busy.
balloon twister My carpal tunnel syndrome is really acting up.
Manny But you don't have any... tendons...
balloon twister Yeah, well you don't have a tongue but that doesn't seem to shut you up, now does it?
Manny Could you teach me how to do that?
balloon twister Well, um, since you're a beginner, why don't you practice the first step?
Manny Which is?
balloon twister Blow!
Manny BANG!
balloon twister Aaah! Popped another one!
balloon twister Lousy bony fingers!
Manny I have to go. That sound makes me want to kill somebody.
balloon twister You too?

EXT Streets of El Marrow DAY

Manny It's the festival of the Day of the Dead.
Manny Really more of a living person's holiday, but we play along.
Manny Not picking that up.

EXT Alley DAY

Manny I don't like the way that eye is looking at me.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Hello?
Manny That's the door to the garage.
Manny It looks like a rope...
Manny ...but it's really just a bunch of cheap ties tied together.

EXT Ledge DAY

Manny It's the loose end of the rope made of ties.
Manny It's pretty long, though...
Manny It's the loose end of the rope made of ties.
Manny It's pretty long, though...
Manny Those are some ugly ties.
Manny I can't believe I climbed up that thing.

INT. Copal's Office DAY

Manny It looks like Don's rigged his computer to automatically answer his intercom...
Manny I'll just change his auto-response here...
Copal Not now, Eva!
Copal It'll have to wait! I'm in the middle of a very important meeting!
Copal Didn't I say no interruptions today?
Copal Whatever it is, it will have to wait.
Copal Eva, please. I need a little time alone.
Copal Ah, cripes, Eva! Just sign it yourself, will ya? I'm busy!
Copal Ah, cripes, Eva! Just sign it yourself, will ya? I'm busy!
Copal Ah, cripes, Eva! Just sign it yourself, will ya? I'm busy!
Copal Ah, cripes, Eva! Just sign it yourself, will ya? I'm busy!
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny "To all Employees of the Department of Death, Bureau of Acquisitions:
Manny Employees who have made their sales quotas are invited to take the Day of the Dead as a holiday...
Manny ...as long as they make up the time lost on the following weekend." Idiota!
Manny Don't need it.
Manny "To all Employees of the Department of Death, Bureau of Acquisitions:
Manny Employees who have made their sales quotas are invited to take the Day of the Dead as a holiday...
Manny ...as long as they make up the time lost on the following weekend." Idiota!
Manny This place is a mess!
Manny I would love to search Don's office right now, but I'm late for the poisoning!
Manny "Memo from the desk of Don Copal:
Manny Hey! Work orders are assigned by my office, and are not exchangeable among salesmen!
Manny Swapping, selling, and especially STEALING work orders will result in SEVERE disciplinary action."
Manny Don't need it.
Manny So, this is where Copal sends out all the work orders.
Manny Why don't any of the good ones get to my office?
Manny It's attached pretty well.
Manny He's got a lock on it!
Manny I can't believe he doesn't trust me!
Manny Just thinking about Don's file "system" gives me a cold chill.
Manny No time to ransack! Everybody's at the poisoning but me!
Manny I'll come back after the poisoning and search the whole room!
Manny More junk I don't have time to look through...
Manny No time to ransack! Everybody's at the poisoning but me!
Manny I'll come back after the poisoning and search the whole room!
Manny I'll come back after the poisoning and search the whole room!
Manny I'll come back after the poisoning and search the whole room!
Manny I'll come back after the poisoning and search the whole room!
Manny More junk I don't have time to look through...
Manny It looks like Don's rigged his computer to automatically answer his intercom...
Manny Hey, that ledge doesn't look so narrow from in here!
Manny Not picking that up.

EXT Ledge DAY

Manny Looks like the Boss has gone fishing.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny No use for it.
Manny Looks like the Boss has gone fishing.
Manny Ah hah. There's nobody in Domino's office.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Domino locks his window.
Manny Fear of pigeons, probably.
Manny Not picking that up.

EXT Street Festival DAY

Manny That soul has already been reaped.
Manny That soul has already been reaped.
Manny Memos are for reading and throwing away, and not much else.
Manny A deck of cards just wouldn't help there.
Manny A deck of cards just wouldn't help there.
Manny A deck of cards just wouldn't help there.
Manny Looks like some sort of crafty mime.
Manny The Bread of the Dead.
Manny That wouldn't be a very good use of this special ceremonial bread.

EXT Entrance to the Department of Death DAY

Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny That wouldn't be a very good use of this special ceremonial bread.
Manny Not picking that up.

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny Not picking that up.
Eva What is that horrible squeaking noise you're making?
Manny New shoes.
Manny That wouldn't be a very good use of this special ceremonial bread.
Eva Oh THAT'S what's making that terrible noise.
Eva Oh THAT'S what's making that terrible noise.
Eva Oh THAT'S what's making that terrible noise.
Manny That's not what balloons are for.
Manny That's not what balloons are for.
Eva Oh, Manny. Just take the sentences one word at a time. You'll get it.
Eva Thanks, but I got solitaire on the computer, Manny.
Eva Thanks, but I got solitaire on the computer, Manny.
Eva Maybe card tricks some other time, when I'm not so busy.
Manny That wouldn't be a very good use of this special ceremonial bread.

INT. Manny's Office DAY

Manny I don't want to re-read the old files; it'll just make me sad.
Manny Ah the old files, the old clients, the glory days...
Manny When people died with dignity, and Domino Hurley didn't exist.
Manny My message tube is full of nothing, as usual.
Manny Not portable.
Manny Here's Celso's file.
Manny That walking stick was too good for him.
Manny Here's Celso's file.
Manny That walking stick was too good for him.
Manny My boss is always giving me these motivational sales books...
Manny "They Bought the Farm, Now Sell Them the Cows," stuff like that.
Manny Read 'em already. Didn't help.
Manny Read 'em already. Didn't help.
Manny Not picking that up.

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny This doesn't look anything like Robert Frost.
Manny This doesn't look anything like Robert Frost.
Manny This doesn't look anything like Robert Frost.
Manny It's a deflated balloon.
Manny This doesn't look anything like Robert Frost.
Manny The Bread of the Dead.
Manny This card's full of holes.
Manny This deck of cards is a little frayed around the edges.
Manny Then again, so am I, and I've got fewer suits.
Manny It's some sort of special work order...
Eva Oh, Manny. Just take the sentences one word at a time. You'll get it.
Manny Could I take your hole punch?
Eva Ha! I doubt you could take my HALF punch.

INT. Garage DAY

Manny That door opens up onto an alley.
Manny There are lights for "Wash," "Rinse," "Wax..."
Manny ...and "Land of the Living" depending on your destination.
Manny The driver-demons operate this somehow, and the company won't tell us salesmen how it works.
Manny Gotta keep us down somehow.
Manny Through there lies the Limbo Highway, and on the other side of that, the Land of the Living.
Manny Can't go through on foot.
Manny People have tried, but they never came back.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Can't go through on foot.
Manny People have tried, but they never came back.
Manny Here's what I need--wheels!
Manny Oooh, I MIGHT get hurt if I try to get one down by myself...
Manny Oooh, I MIGHT get hurt if I try to get one down by myself...
Manny It's a tool cabinet.
Manny It's locked.
Glottis Hey! Who the--
Glottis Who's messing with my stuff?
Glottis Oh, heh, sorry, sir! I didn't expect...
Glottis Sales agents usually don't come over to this part of the garage...
Manny Hey, you a driver?
Glottis Me?
Glottis Ha!
Glottis No.
Glottis No no no.
Glottis I don't ride 'em. Just wrench 'em.
Manny I'm Calavera. Manny Calavera.
Glottis My name's Glottis.
Glottis I don't get many visitors--Hey! I got a message for a Mr. Calavera...
Glottis Uh...
Glottis ...your driver said...
Glottis ...that Mr. Hurley said...
Glottis ...that he could have the rest of the day off.
Manny Domino sent my driver home?
Glottis Yeah, wasn't that nice?
Manny Looks like I need a new driver.
Glottis OH!
Glottis I...
Glottis UH... I!
Glottis Uh... I, would agree with that.
Glottis Yes you do.
Manny Glottis... Glottis... Is that a German name?
Glottis Oh, no. My roots lie not in any Earthly nation's soil.
Glottis I am an elemental spirit summoned up from the Land of the Dead itself and given one purpose, one skill, one desire:
Glottis to DRIVE.
Glottis Or, to change oil and adjust timing belts, if no driving jobs are open.
Manny Nice hut.
Glottis Yeah, I wonder how nice it would seem to you if you were TRAPPED in it all day like me.
Manny If you hate your job, why don't you quit?
Glottis It's not just a job. It's what I was created to do.
Glottis If I get any farther away from cars than this, I'll get sick and die.
Glottis It's like I'm not happy unless I'm breathing in the thick, black, nauseating fumes...
Manny Hmm. Can't imagine.
Manny You want to be my replacement driver?
Glottis ME?
Glottis OH, oh, no. Sorry.
Glottis Can't.
Glottis Rules.
Manny Come on, Glottis. I need you to be my driver.
Glottis No, I can't. I'm... I'm...
Glottis I'm too big.
Manny You're not too big. The cars are just too small.
Glottis Yeah! Those dang compact cars--
Glottis Hey! That gives me an idea!
Glottis I could alter your car just a bit--with just a quick torch job to let out the seams, you know?
Glottis Ah, but I'm not allowed to modify the cars without a work order from upstairs.
Glottis I could lose my job.
Manny A work order, huh?
Glottis Yeah yeah yeah!
Glottis I can't torch anything bigger than a cigarette without one of these signed by the boss himself.
Manny Hey, that's my line--getting people to sign.
Manny Back in a snap.
Glottis Yeah, too small! I'm not too big!
Glottis Everything around here is just too small!
Manny That won't help it get signed.
Manny It's a tool cabinet.
Manny I've got to get this work order signed.
Manny I've got to get this work order signed.
Manny It's a tool cabinet.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny It's locked.
Glottis Hey! Manny!
Glottis Did you get that work order signed yet?
Manny No. Can't we just do it without?
Glottis I told you! I could lose my job!
Glottis Manny, if I lose my job...
Manny Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't worry. Just go on back to work.
Manny I'll get that work order signed.
Manny Somehow.
Manny It's closed.
Manny There's something big going on in there.
Manny Not when there's a door.
Manny Not picking that up.
Glottis Hey! Manny!
Glottis Did you get that work order signed yet?
Manny No. Can't we just do it without?
Glottis I told you! I could lose my job!
Glottis Manny, if I lose my job...
Manny Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't worry. Just go on back to work.
Manny I'll get that work order signed.
Manny Somehow.
Manny Who's afraid of a little rusty water?
Glottis Hey! Manny!
Glottis Did you get that work order signed yet?
Manny No. Can't we just do it without?
Glottis I told you! I could lose my job!
Glottis Manny, if I lose my job...
Manny Hey, hey, hey, hey. Don't worry. Just go on back to work.
Manny I'll get that work order signed.
Manny Somehow.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny The elevator's already on this floor.

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny Not picking that up.
Manny You know, Copal's not really in his office.
Eva Sweetheart, I know what you're up to.
Manny Huh?
Eva You're trying to get me away from my desk so you can link all my paper clips together again.
Eva Grow up, darling.
Manny I can't find my driver.
Eva Manny, you know what to do.
Eva Stop playing dumb just to flirt with me.
Manny Eva, I really need the boss to sign this work order.
Eva I'll give it a shot.

(Glottis drives Manny to the Land of the Living)

Eva Mr. Copal? Mr. Calavera has somethin' out here that he says he needs your signature on--
Manny Ah, cripes, Eva! Just sign it yourself, will ya? I'm busy!
Eva You'll have to excuse him, Manny. It's probably a really hard crossword puzzle he's got in there today.
Manny Eva, I'm impressed.
Manny I had no idea you had this kind of power.
Eva Well, we all have our secrets.
Manny Gdak. Gahh. Ahh. Nuhh.
Manny Hey, I look good in this, don't I? Heh heh.
Manny Yeah, well, they say black is slimming...
Manny I'm drivin'! Yeah! I'm drivin'! RrrrrrrrmmmmmmAahaha!
Manny Brrrrrrr!
Manny Por favor.
Manny I coulda walked faster than this!
Manny Rrr, híjole, I'm gonna miss the poisoning!
Manny Brrrrrrr!
Manny Domino!

INT. Diner DAY

Manny Ehhh, the living still give me the creeps.
Manny Look at these poor saps...
Manny It's the fear of Death that makes monsters of us all.
Manny Boo!
Manny Scaring the living is technically against the rules, but we all do it.
Manny If I scare them to death then they'll become a customer, but I'll get nailed with a conflict-of-interest rap.
Manny Pssst. It's me, Death. I'll see you soon, okay?
Manny I know you can't hear me, but try to feel what I'm about to say deep down in your soul...
Manny Don't... eat... the... gazpacho...
Manny Ah, fun's fun, but I've got work to do.
Manny Ah, fun's fun, but I've got work to do.
Manny I have to say, this food looks pretty good.
Manny In this world, all I can do is look, smell, and reap.
Manny I can't reap hamburger.
Manny Cows are a whole other bureau, not to mention the lettuce.
Manny Smiles as bright and wide as the blade on my scythe...
Manny Soon, I'll be coming for them.
Manny Did I look like that when I was alive?
Manny Did I look like that when I was alive?
Manny Did I look like that when I was alive?
Manny Did I look like that when I was alive?
Manny Did I look like that when I was alive?
Manny Truth be told, I'd rather be setting this milkshake's soul free.
Manny Mmmmm... smells like the perfect client...
Manny Rich, and sweet!
Manny Can't reap the milkshake. Can only smell it.
Manny Did I look like that when I was alive?
Manny Can't take the living. They gotta go through channels.
Manny Can't take the living. They gotta go through channels.
Manny I don't want to mess up my blade.
Manny I don't want to mess up my blade.
Manny Bound only by the paper-thin wrapper of mortality, a soul here lies, struggling to be free.
Manny And so it shall, thanks to a bowl of bad gazpacho, and a man named Calavera.
Manny Bound only by the paper-thin wrapper of mortality, a soul here lies, struggling to be free.
Manny And so it shall, thanks to a bowl of bad gazpacho, and a man named Calavera.
Manny I can't use my bare hands. I'm a professional.
Manny I can't carry the whole package outta here.
Manny He's got to shuffle off his mortal coil, then we can split.
Bruno Nice bathrobe.

(Manny gives Bruno an economy travel package)

INT. Lobby DAY

Manny ...but we offer several travel package upgrades if you'd care to--
Bruno Cut the yap. I want something cheap where I can get some rest, and that's it.
Manny Ay ay ay.
Manny You know, Manny, I could make this car a little faster. If you wanted...
Manny Yeah, yeah. Whatever.
Manny Oh yeah, slam the front into the weeds, tub the rear end, dual blowers poppin' outta the hood!
Manny Wah-wah-wah-wah-WAAAAAH! Wah-wah-wah-wah-WAAAAAAAAHAAAAHHH!
Manny You'll get plenty of rest this way, Mr. Martinez, and you'll be safely padded by the foam created when these two chemicals mix, like this.
Bruno Uh, on second thought, I wanna upgrade my package!
Manny Sorry, Bruno, but you didn't qualify for anything better.
Manny But here, have this complimentary mug!
Bruno No! Wait! Can't you find me something where I can move my legs?
Manny You know I'd like to, Bruno...
Manny ...but my boss is a real hard-ass.
Manny I gotta be a hard-ass when I got lazy sickle-wavers like THIS jolly boy working for me! Manny, you couldn't find a sale at a yacht club!
Manny I got a sale right here!
Manny I'm talkin' PREMIUM sales, Calavera! Like the kind Domino makes!
Manny How am I supposed to make premium sales with the scumbag clients you're sending me?
Bruno Hey!
Manny Now you're blamin' the clients? I've had it with you, Manny! If you haven't bagged a premium before the next sales report comes in, you're out!
Manny Out on the street! No job! No way to work off your time! Just your fancy suit and your big smile and a whole lotta time to kill!
Bruno Who you callin' a scumbag? Why, I oughta--
Bruno MrmrMRRmr! MrmrMRRmr! MrmrMRRmr! MRR! MrmrMRRmr!
Manny I'm sick of waiting around for a good lead, like it's going to fly in here tied to a brick.
Manny It's time to TAKE one.

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny It's my boss' secretary, Eva.
Eva It's my boss' whipping boy, Manny.
Manny Hey, you missed a great poisoning.
Eva Yeah, and you missed a great client.
Eva Domino came back from there with a nun.
Manny Híjole - I got a tiny little man with a mean temper and no commission.
Eva Well, at least you don't work for one.
Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.

INT. Manny's Office DAY

Manny Not portable.
Manny I should close Bruno's record before the black marks burn into my screen.
Manny Not picking that up.

INT. Domino's Office DAY

Manny That's some premium-looking scotch.
Domino Have some, Manny, just so you don't forget what "premium" tastes like.
Manny Look at all the diplomas!
Domino You have to have the proper attitude to get diplomas like those, Manny!
Manny Really? I thought you just had to have the proper postage.
Manny No use for it.
Manny I got plenty of my own.
Manny No messages in Dom's fancy red tube.
Manny He's got a lock on it!
Manny I can't believe he doesn't trust me!
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Hey, Dom. What's your screen-saver password?
Domino Get away from my computer, Manny.
Manny Hey, Dom. What's your screen-saver password?
Domino Get away from my computer, Manny.
Manny Not portable.
Manny Desk drawers? I don't have desk drawers!
Domino Hey! Get out of there, Calavera!
Domino Hey! Get out of there, Calavera!
Manny It's Domino Hurley, sweatiest man in the office.
Domino You gotta sweat to sell, Cally, and you know it.
Manny No piggyback rides today.
Manny Well, at least you're not hitting the BOTTLE anymore.
Domino Heeeyyy, Cally. How ya doin'?
Manny So, how'd you make out at the poisoning?
Domino Well, let's just say that Sister Calabaza has a secret passion...
Domino ...for trains.
Manny You got a nun?
Domino Hail Mary.
Manny And you sold her a ticket on the Number Nine train?
Domino Choo-choo, little buddy.
Domino Say, how'd you score?
Manny I got a nun, too.
Domino Bruno's a pretty strange name for a nun, wouldn't you say?
Manny Well, you know how cruel sisters can be about nicknames.
Manny I want to ask you a question.
Domino Shoot, slugger.
Manny Is it hard to kiss up to the boss so much with no lips?
Domino Hey, I got all the lip I need.
Domino I get it from you.
Manny Can I have one of your clients?
Domino Sure, Cal.
Domino Just as soon as I get one I think you could handle...
Manny I can handle anything you got.
Manny Especially if that's your best right jab.
Manny Why do you get all the good clients?
Domino You're asking the wrong guy.
Domino You should be taking a good long look at the man in the mirror.
Manny No thanks. I don't enjoy that the same way you do.
Manny What did you do to get this job?
Domino You mean, what's my secret to success?
Manny No, I mean how did you screw up and get stuck here at the DOD?
Manny What sin did you commit and how long are you going to have to work here to pay it off?
Domino I could easily ask the same question of you.
Manny But I don't know the answer. I still don't know what I've done.
Domino How convenient! Then neither do I.
Manny I wanna tell you something.
Domino Good, go on and let it all out.
Domino There's no reason for you to be afraid of me.
Manny You know, this used to be my office.
Domino Yeah, I know.
Domino I found your name on some comic books in the desk.
Manny I want my office back.
Domino Don't worry, you'll have years and years to enjoy it after I get promoted out and you're still here.
Manny I think you're up to something.
Domino Yeah, I'm up to about four premium sales this week.
Domino Heh heh.
Manny I think we should team up, be partners.
Domino Oh, Manny, I would, but I'm too intimidated.
Domino I could never be partners with someone who was so much more of a man than me.
Manny Oh, come on.
Manny I've seen your wife.
Manny I wanna punch you in the mouth.
Domino Oh, no. Not the Christmas party all over again.
Manny What happened at the Christmas party?
Domino Blacked out on the whole thing, huh?
Domino Maybe you should switch to lemonade, kid.
Manny Well, you sound pretty out of breath, so I'm going to blow.
Domino Always a pleasure, Cal.
Manny A deck of cards just wouldn't help there.
Manny That wouldn't be a very good use of this special ceremonial bread.
Manny Not right now.
Manny No room for that.
Manny No room for that.
Manny That's some premium-looking scotch.
Domino Have some, Manny, just so you don't forget what "premium" tastes like.
Manny Those pictures come with the frames?
Domino That suit come with those holes?
Manny No use for it.
Manny Not interested.

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny Not picking that up.
Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.
Manny Ah, the big, golden door to mediocre management.
Eva A little respect for our fearless leader, please.
Manny Why? I've worked here longer than he has, you know.
Eva And you're proud of that?
Manny Hmmm. Good point.
Eva Big Mr. Boss Man doesn't want to be disturbed today.
Manny It's my boss' secretary, Eva.
Eva It's my boss' whipping boy, Manny.

INT. Garage DAY

Manny It's locked.
Manny This sign says, "I'm at the junkyard. Wooooo!"
Manny It's locked.
Manny It's locked.
Manny This sign says, "I'm at the junkyard. Wooooo!"
Manny No one in there.

INT. Lobby DAY

Tube-Switcher Guy Grmmmble, grrr...
Tube-Switcher Guy You and your fancy suits and your nose holes way up in the air...
Tube-Switcher Guy Sticking your empty beer bottles down the message tubes, how fancy is that?
Tube-Switcher Guy Huh? Don't you boys upstairs realize the tube switcher is a sophisticated and delicate piece of machinery?
Manny Uh...
Tube-Switcher Guy You think you're better than me??
Manny No.
Tube-Switcher Guy Good.
Manny That's the door to the packing room.

INT. Packing Room DAY

Manny For those who enjoy no-hassle travel.
Manny Bruno? You in one of these?
Manny Must have picked him up already.
Manny I don't need the hernia.
Manny One of the chemicals for our packing material comes out of there.
Manny One of the chemicals for our packing material comes out of there.
Manny Ah! That smell!
Manny It's a lump of our packing foam.
Manny No thanks. That stuff smells terrible, man.
Manny No thanks. That stuff smells terrible, man.
Manny One of the chemicals for our packing material comes out of there.
Manny One of the chemicals for our packing material comes out of there.

INT. Communications Room DAY

Manny "WARNING: Fire System, Do Not Touch."
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny "WARNING: Fire System, Do Not Touch."
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny It's the sophisticated and delicate hub of all communications here in the Department of Death.
Manny That red tube looks familiar.
Manny That wheel should open it.
Manny The wheel won't turn, and the door won't budge.
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny With what?
Manny The deadbolt looks set.

INT. Manny's Office DAY

Manny Heh. Look out below.
Manny My message tube is full of nothing, as usual.

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny It's my boss' secretary, Eva.
Eva It's my boss' whipping boy, Manny.
Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.

INT. Manny's Office DAY

Manny That doesn't sound good.
Manny There's no air pressure.
Manny The server must be down.

INT. Domino's Office DAY

Manny Hey, Hurl!
Domino Yeah?
Manny Well, you sound pretty out of breath, so I'm going to blow.
Domino Always a pleasure, Cal.

INT. Hallway DAY

Eva Manny, if you don't mind, I've got a lot of filing here to do...
Manny Right. Hay te huacho.
Eva Server's down again.
Manny What else is new?

INT. Communications Room DAY

Manny The deadbolt looks like it's not set.
Manny I've just locked an open door.
Manny Strange, yet symbolically compelling...
Manny Ah, our cheerful communications maintenance staff is on the job.
Manny Hi. I'm not getting any messages. Is the server down?
Tube-Switcher Guy This is their idea of a joke?
Tube-Switcher Guy They think it's funny?
Tube-Switcher Guy I'd like to jam THEIR tubes with packing material, see how they like that!
Manny So, you're saying the server is down, is that it?
Tube-Switcher Guy The server is not down, it's never DOWN.
Tube-Switcher Guy It's just temporarily unavailable while I'm doing some maintenance, that's all.
Manny So, how long is it going to be down?
Tube-Switcher Guy With a job like this you never can tell.
Tube-Switcher Guy Probably hours.
Manny Or until no one's around to see you sneak out, Aye?
Tube-Switcher Guy Whichever comes first.
Manny Can I squeeze in there, just for a sec?
Tube-Switcher Guy Are you kidding?
Tube-Switcher Guy This is a highly secured area.
Tube-Switcher Guy No one's allowed in here who ain't me.
Manny What's so special about you?
Tube-Switcher Guy I, sir, am an elemental spirit, summoned from the Land of the Dead itself...
Manny Yeah, yeah, let me guess...
Manny You were given one purpose, one skill, one desire: fixing pneumatic tube switchers?
Tube-Switcher Guy No, I was created to run the elevators, but they put in those dang motion detectors...
Tube-Switcher Guy ...and put me outta work!
Manny Who would do a terrible thing like this?
Tube-Switcher Guy It's those punks in the mail room!
Tube-Switcher Guy They think this baby's going to put them out of a job.
Tube-Switcher Guy And they're right!
Manny You know, I really think it's clean enough.
Tube-Switcher Guy Oh, it's clean enough to run, all right.
Tube-Switcher Guy I'm just fiddling around to be safe, you know...
Tube-Switcher Guy Gotta cover my ass!
Manny Yes you do.
Manny Just curious--How'd you get in there?
Tube-Switcher Guy I squeezed down one of these tubes, like a pixie!
Tube-Switcher Guy How d'ya think I got in here?
Tube-Switcher Guy Through the door, just like you!
Tube-Switcher Guy Say, uh, Chatty Cathy...
Tube-Switcher Guy I got a lot of tubes to flush here...
Manny Hey, me too. I'll let you go.
Tube-Switcher Guy Ah, not again!
Tube-Switcher Guy AAAAY-AY-AY!
Tube-Switcher Guy You trying to blow this joint sky high?
Tube-Switcher Guy That's a magnesium-compound fire extinguisher!
Tube-Switcher Guy Spray that on this packing foam and we'll both be riding the giant roman candle out of here.
Manny What? Why would they put something so dangerous in here?
Tube-Switcher Guy I guess they didn't expect this room to be full of hazardous waste!
Manny Ah, our cheerful communications maintenance staff is on the job.
Manny It's the wheel on the door.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny No.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny The wheel won't budge.
Manny I think that's the other end of Domino's message tube...
Manny If I could just get in there...
Tube-Switcher Guy Good enough for government work!
Manny The deadbolt looks set.
Manny That wheel should open it.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny It's the sophisticated and delicate hub of all communications here in the Department of Death.
Manny That red tube looks familiar.
Manny That red tube looks familiar.
Manny That red tube looks familiar.
Manny That red tube looks familiar.
Manny It's locked.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Mercedes Colomar, Client number 9308--blah blah blah...
Manny ...Died of chickenpox... time of death, yadda yadda yadda...
Manny Ah-ha!
Manny Positive Attributes: Volunteered time reading stories to dying children!
Manny That's good! That's really good!
Manny I think you're it, Mercedes Colomar! I think you're the one for me!

(Maiden voyage of the Bone Wagon)

Manny Glottis! Are you loco? What got into you? That was a company car!
Manny Oh yeah! And it's even better company now! Hop in! Yeeeeaha! Woo!
Manny Buenos días.
Meche You're not the nurse.
Manny No.
Meche You're not here to give me my medication?
Manny No, but I am here to ease your pain.
Meche Guess they couldn't save me, eh?
Manny No, but there's still a chance you could save me.

INT. Manny's Office DAY

Meche That's a lot of responsibility, Mr. Calavera.
Meche What makes you think I've been all that good?
Manny Ms. Colomar--
Meche Meche. Please.
Manny Meche. I can see it in your face.
Manny And in your file here, where it says you're entitled to a first-class ticket to...
Manny ...nowhere?
Manny WHAT?!
Meche Did I do something wrong?
Manny Not according to your bio! It was spotless!
Manny ...at least the part I read was.
Meche I'm not sure I like the implication, Mr. Calavera.
Manny The only implication here is that I'm fired.
Meche Is it something I did?
Manny Are you SURE you're Mercedes Colomar?
Meche Yes, would you like to see my birthmark?
Manny Sure. Where is it?
Meche It's wherever you guys put my skin!
Manny Anything about your past you haven't told me?
Meche Quite a bit, considering I've told you nothing.
Manny Did you kill much when you were alive?
Meche Very little.
Manny Never killed anybody?
Meche I have to confess, I never killed anybody.
Manny Not even a teensy bit of killing?
Meche Maybe I just wasn't trying hard enough.
Manny Were you a big shoplifter?
Meche Well, they accused me of it once...
Manny Really?
Meche But it wasn't my fault. That puppy followed me out of the store.
Manny Oh.
Manny Mean to animals?
Meche Oh no! I love animals.
Meche Once, when I was volunteering at an animal shelter--
Manny Just stop right there.
Manny Ever cheated on your taxes?
Meche I've never paid taxes in my life.
Manny Ah-ha!
Meche I've never made enough money to be taxed.
Meche You know, it's mostly been all volunteer work...
Manny Uh-huh.
Manny Ever cheated on your husband?
Meche Mr. Calavera, there's no ring on my finger.
Manny There's no skin on it either...
Meche I guess you'll just have to trust me then.
Manny Litter?
Meche Oh, Manny. Is that the best you can do?
Manny Work with me Meche. Give me some dirt.
Meche Well, I could do something bad right now if that would help.
Manny Wouldn't count. Sorry.
Manny I give up.
Meche Don't say that, Manny.
Manny You know what I have to do, I just have to go straighten this mess out.
Meche Sorry to be so much trouble, Mr. Calavera.
Manny It's no trouble, but please...
Manny Call me Manny.
Manny My computer gives me instant access to our database of deadbeats.
Manny (I just don't understand it.)
Manny (Why can't I find anything good for Meche?)
Manny She looks fine to me.
Manny She looks fine to me.
Manny She looks fine to me.
Manny She looks fine to me.
Manny I'm still on the case, Meche, but I haven't found anything for you yet.
Meche Maybe I'm not the woman you were hoping for.
Manny I don't like to get involved with the customers that way.
Manny Wasn't too long ago that the name on the door was, "Supply Closet."
Meche I'm sorry I let you down, Manny.

INT. Hallway DAY

Manny (Sigh.) My old door.
Manny Domino's door is locked.
Copal Hey! Funny Bones!
Copal In my office!
Copal NOW!

(Manny gets chewed out by Copal)

Manny You VANDALIZED company property in order to obtain SECRET INFORMATION so you could take your ILLEGALLY MODIFIED company car and your UNREGISTERED DRIVER and run Domino here off the road--
Manny --all in order to steal a client from her legitimate agent!
Manny There's nothing legitimate about this place. You give all the good clients to Domino.
Domino Manny, now I'm embarrassed for you.
Manny You've embarrassed the whole office. I'm going to call the woman in here so you can apologize to her yourself.
Manny Eva, send in Ms. Colomar, please.
Eva She left about fifteen minutes ago, sir. She said she had a long walk ahead of her and she wanted to get started.
Manny Walking? She had a ticket on the Number Nine! Why does she think she has to walk?
Manny That's the best package I could find for her...
Manny Heh heh.
Manny Now you see why I give all the good clients to Domino!
Manny That woman was a saint and a shoe-in for a Double-N ticket that she's not going to get because YOU...
Manny ...just couldn't find it! And now, because of your little stunt, she's out there...
Manny ...on her own...
Manny ...walking by herself through the Petrified Forest, facing the demons of the underworld alone and unprotected.
Manny This is her reward, after a lifetime of hardship and public service? Her destiny stolen by some overreaching salesman looking for a fat commission he didn't deserve!

INT. Glottis' Workshop DAY

Copal Get in there and stay put until the boys downtown tell us what they want done with ya.
Copal Someone's gonna take the fall for this, Calavera, and it ain't gonna be me!
Manny It looks like it dispenses something called "Fil-a-Dent."
Manny Hmmm.
Manny Hmmm.
Manny Hmmm.
Manny Hmmm.
Manny Hey, is anybody out there?
Salvador So, Manuel...
Salvador Have you thought about what you have done?
Manny Who's out there?
Salvador I'm you.
Salvador Or rather, I was you years ago.
Manny Yeah, well I'm me now, so get lost.
Manny Get me out of here!
Salvador The only way out, Manuel, is to be taken back in.
Salvador If you are truly still loyal to this company, declare it loudly.
Salvador The management might hear and stick you right back in their fold.
Manny Yeah, well I got something they can stick in their fold...
Salvador You have to try harder than that Manuel.
Salvador A man's loyalties decide his destiny.
Manny My loyalty is still to the DOD, believe it or not.
Salvador Hmmm...Good boy.
Salvador You just keep up that spirit, and I'm sure you'll get out of here soon enough.
Manny It looks like it dispenses something called "Fil-a-Dent."
Manny Oh, ick.
Manny It came out like soft-serve ice cream, but judging by the smell, I think it's auto-body filler.
Manny It stays here.
Manny Hey, guard!
Salvador How's my little Count of Monte Cristo?
Manny No, really. Who ARE you?
Salvador I am a fellow prisoner, my friend.
Manny Maybe, but your cell is a lot bigger than mine, jailmate.
Manny I'm thinking about getting out and getting even. That's it.
Salvador If you are still loyal--
Manny Lay down and roll over and bark the company fight song, I know.
Manny I ain't saying nothing until my lawyer gets here.
Salvador Lawyer?
Salvador Ha ha ha!
Salvador Oh, Manny, that is quite humorous.
Manny Hey, guard!
Salvador How's my little Count of Monte Cristo?
Manny Cramped. Ready for walkies.
Manny How many times do I have to say I'm sorry?
Salvador I do not care if you're sorry. I want to know if you're loyal.
Manny Look, I did what I had to do. So what?
Salvador You have to try harder than that Manuel.
Salvador A man's loyalties decide his destiny.
Manny The DOD runs a crooked game, and I intend to prove it.
Salvador You would do that?
Salvador That could cause this agency a lot of trouble...
Manny Well, no. But I am angry.
Salvador I see. Well, keep up the faith.
Manny Hey, guard!
Salvador How's my little Count of Monte Cristo?
Manny What are they going to do to me?
Salvador I don't want to alarm you, Agent Calavera...
Salvador But have you ever seen a man SPROUTED?
Manny What do you mean, "sprouted?"
Salvador Then you don't know...
Salvador ...there's nothing more horrible than the bite of the sprouter.
Salvador Its deadly stinger spreads a green disease through every calcified pore on your body...
Salvador ...leaving you veined with roots and flocked with grass...
Salvador ...steadily growing thicker and thicker until you crash and bloom out...
Salvador ...in a horrifying bouquet of pain and fragrant suffering...
Salvador ...screaming until your mouth fills with petals and your nostrils shoot out thorny stems...
Salvador ...and the bulbs sprout in your eyes...
Salvador ...leaving you nothing but a patch of wildflowers on the ground, swarming with butterflies.
Manny Are you done?
Salvador Yes.
Manny No, I've never seen that.
Manny Look, you gotta open that door for me, amigo.
Salvador Are you ready to reveal your loyalties?
Manny The DOD runs a crooked game, and I intend to prove it.
Salvador I've heard you make threats in anger before.
Salvador My question is, would you really want to hurt the DOD?
Manny All I want is my job back!
Salvador I see. Well, keep up the faith.
Manny Hey, guard!
Salvador How's my little Count of Monte Cristo?
Manny Get cracked, flunky. I don't need any chatter right now.
Salvador Hmmm... I see you still have a lot of anger issues, my friend.
Salvador I'll come back when your head is clearer.
Manny Hey, guard!
Salvador How's my little Count of Monte Cristo?
Manny Tell me that sprouting story again!
Salvador It's not a bedtime story, Manuel...
Salvador ...there's nothing more horrible than the bite of the sprouter.
Salvador Its deadly stinger spreads a green disease through every calcified pore on your body...
Salvador ...leaving you veined with roots and flocked with grass...
Salvador ...steadily growing thicker and thicker until you crash and bloom out...
Salvador ...in a horrifying bouquet of pain and fragrant suffering...
Salvador ...screaming until your mouth fills with petals and your nostrils shoot out thorny stems...
Salvador ...and the bulbs sprout in your eyes...
Salvador ...leaving you nothing but a patch of wildflowers on the ground, swarming with butterflies.
Manny I love that story.
Manny Get me out of here!
Salvador Are you ready to reveal your loyalties?
Manny The DOD runs a crooked game, and I intend to prove it.
Salvador I've heard you make threats in anger before.
Salvador My question is, would you really want to hurt the DOD?
Manny I'm gonna blow the lid off this place!
Salvador Young man, you are an enemy of the Department of Death!
Salvador Welcome to the club!

(Salvador introduces the Lost Souls' Alliance)

Salvador Salvador Limones and guest.
Manny Where are you taking me?
Salvador To the headquarters of the LSA.
Manny LSA?
Salvador The Lost Souls' Alliance. We're a small group, Manuel, but we're always looking for new soldiers.
Manny To do what, exactly?
Salvador We need help in our intelligence unit. You know Eva, of course.
Eva Manny.
Salvador I was once a reaper like yourself, Manuel. But I uncovered a web of corruption in our beloved Department of Death.
Salvador I have reason to believe that the Bureau of Acquisitions is cheating the very souls it was chartered to serve.
Salvador I think someone is robbing these poor, naïve souls of their rightful destinies, leaving them no option but to march on a treacherous trail of tears, unprotected and alone.
Salvador Like babies, Manuel. Like babies.
Manny What's your evidence?
Salvador That's where you come in, Manuel. Or should I call you "Agent Calavera"?
Manny "Manny" suits me fine. I'm not looking to join any military organization, Sal. I just want my job back so I can work off my time and get out of this dump.
Salvador Well, you won't even be able to get out of this city without my help. Which means, of course, you won't be able to find that woman, and you'll never get your job back.
Salvador When you're ready to join the cause, Manuel, come talk to me. We might be of some use to each other.

INT. L.S.A. Headquarters DAY

Manny Where does this go?
Salvador To a secret tunnel out of the city, but...
Salvador It opens for members of the LSA only.
Manny It won't budge.
Salvador It opens for members of the LSA only.
Manny It won't budge.
Salvador It opens for members of the LSA only.
Manny It's a slide projector.
Salvador Manuel. I was looking at that.
Manny I don't get it.
Salvador Nor do I Manuel, not yet.
Manny I don't get it.
Salvador Nor do I Manuel, not yet.
Manny I'd put on a hand-shadow show, but the mood just doesn't feel right.
Manny It's my boss' secretary's evil twin!
Eva Just me, honey.
Manny So, you're not really a secretary?
Eva I'm a spy, Manny.
Manny Well, that's the last time we use THAT temp agency.
Manny Any messages for me?
Eva Yes: "Join or Die!"
Manny But I'm already--
Eva Again!
Manny Eva, you gotta get me out of town. They're going to sprout me!
Eva You can't leave, Manny.
Eva We need access to the DOD computer network if we're ever gonna find out what's going on.
Eva And we can't access without a salesman like you. The computer ID's you when you log on.
Manny How does it do that?
Manny Fingerprints?
Manny I don't have any!
Eva Your teeth, Manny. Haven't you ever noticed your computer scanning your teeth when you log on?
Manny I thought that was just a power surge.
Eva We need your teeth Manny, we can't let you go.
Eva Sorry.
Manny Doesn't Copal wonder where you are?
Eva Don and Domino are both locked up in Don's office with some bigwig from downtown.
Eva Some fatty in a fez.
Salvador Hmmmm. Who is the fat man, I wonder, and how does he fit into this sinister puzzle?
Manny How long have you been a spy?
Eva Salvador recruited me about a year ago.
Eva I couldn't resist him--he's just so... noble!
Manny What are you working on there?
Eva I'm trying to get this radio working so we can use it in the field.
Eva But it looks pretty hopeless.
Eva Salvador's right--we need good old-fashioned homing pigeons to communicate with our field agents.
Manny You have field agents?
Eva No, it's just Sal and me right now, but someday, Manny...
Manny So, you won't help me out of here?
Eva Sorry. I'll help YOU out, but not your teeth.
Eva Think it over.
Manny Salvador seems to be concentrating.
Manny Open that door, Sal, I've got places to go.
Salvador Does that mean you're ready to join us?
Manny Do you know something I don't know?
Salvador Have you ever wondered why your clients, even your BEST clients...
Salvador ...never seem to qualify for the packages you know they deserve?
Manny Yes, my last client in particular... Meche.
Salvador Well, they all DID qualify, Manuel. Especially her.
Salvador But somehow, somebody with access to the files has stolen their just rewards, their sweet hereafters...
Manny Their tickets on the Number Nine?
Salvador Precisamente, amigo.
Manny What would they do with the tickets?
Salvador A ticket on the Number Nine is like a leaf of gold, Manuel.
Salvador Especially to one who has died with a less-than-perfect record.
Salvador Someone is profiting here from those that would buy their way into Heaven.
Manny I'm not a joiner. Just pop the hatch and let's part friends.
Salvador I'm sorry, but this is war, Manuel.
Salvador And you are the first draftee.
Manny But money's not important here. We all just want out.
Salvador YOU want to get out, Manuel, and so do I someday.
Salvador But for some people, this world is all there is.
Salvador They have decided to seek pleasure and happiness here in the Eighth Underworld, and for that, you need money.
Manny What do you want from me?
Salvador I am going to build an underground army of souls to fight the injustice I have seen in El Marrow.
Salvador Communication will become vital as the Lost Souls' Alliance spreads out.
Salvador We'll need messengers we can trust.
Manny You want me to be your messenger?
Salvador No, Manuel. Our numbers are small and our agents are too valuable to risk that sort of work.
Salvador History shows only one messenger to be of use to a cause like ours:
Salvador CARRIER PIGEONS!
Manny If I grab some pigeons off the roof, will you let me go?
Salvador No, I need to raise them from birth, Agent Calavera--
Salvador I need you to bring me their eggs!
Manny You're keeping me here because you need the eggs?
Salvador Why are you still here, Calavera?
Salvador Go get me an air force before it hatches!
Salvador Now, that's all the briefing you need, soldier!
Salvador Viva la Revolución!
Manny Have you thought about using messages tied to balloons? I can get you plenty of balloons.
Salvador PIGEONS, Manuel, bring me their EGGS!
Manny Pues, okay.
Salvador Viva la Revolución!
Manny Have you thought about using messages tied to balloons? I can get you plenty of balloons.
Salvador PIGEONS, Manuel, bring me their EGGS!
Manny Pues, okay.
Salvador Viva la Revolución!
Manny Why won't you help me out?
Eva I need your teeth, remember?
Manny Why won't you help me out?
Eva I need your teeth, remember?
Manny It's my boss' secretary's evil twin!
Eva Just me, honey.
Manny This computer is shut off.
Salvador We salvaged that unit when the company threw it away, but we have yet to get it working.
Salvador When we do, we'll need you to get us into the system.
Manny I'll be long gone before then.
Salvador We'll see, Manuel.
Manny This computer is shut off.
Manny Not portable.

EXT Alley DAY

Manny I wonder if Eva is looking at me right now.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Agent Calavera here.

EXT Streets of El Marrow DAY

Manny It's the festival of the Day of the Dead.
Manny Really more of a living person's holiday, but we play along.

EXT Street Festival DAY

Manny I have to go. That sound makes me want to kill somebody.
balloon twister You too?
Manny The Bread of the Dead.

EXT El Marrow Freeway On Ramp DAY

Manny I'm not walking on the freeway!
Manny I shouldn't even be STANDING here...
Manny The Petrified Forest, Rubacava...
Manny The Petrified Forest, Rubacava...
Manny Not really that far away, but to me they might as well be on the other side of the world.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny The Petrified Forest, Rubacava...
Manny Not really that far away, but to me they might as well be on the other side of the world.

EXT Entrance to the Department of Death DAY

Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.
Manny I remember the year they built that...
Manny Mostly because it cost so much we didn't get bonuses that year.
Manny I'm not going in there!
Manny They still think I'm locked up, hopefully.
Manny It's closed.

INT. Garage DAY

Manny This sign says, "SHOP CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE."
Manny I wonder what happened to Glottis...

INT. Glottis' Workshop DAY

Manny Hey, what did they do with Glottis?
Manny It looks like it dispenses something called "Fil-a-Dent."
Manny Oh, ick.
Manny It came out like soft-serve ice cream, but judging by the smell, I think it's auto-body filler.

INT. Garage DAY

Manny Ha!
Manny Regular cars.
Manny Ha!
Manny Regular cars.
Manny Oooh, I MIGHT get hurt if I try to get one down by myself...
Manny Oooh, I MIGHT get hurt if I try to get one down by myself...
Manny Can't go through on foot.
Manny People have tried, but they never came back.

EXT Alley DAY

Manny It looks like a rope...
Manny ...but it's really just a bunch of cheap ties tied together.

EXT Ledge DAY

Manny Those are some ugly ties.
Manny I can't believe I climbed up that thing.
Manny Shoo!
Manny I don't have a net, or a desire to have a pet pigeon.
Manny I don't have a net, or a desire to have a pet pigeon.
Manny The drapes are drawn--Dom and Don must still be in there.
Manny Hmmm... Dom's office is empty.

INT. Domino's Office DAY

Manny He doesn't even HIDE his booze in a file cabinet.
Manny What kind of salesman is he?
Manny He's got a lock on it!
Manny I can't believe he doesn't trust me!
Manny No messages in Dom's fancy red tube.
Manny What the?
Manny It's looks like a glowing hunk of coral.
Manny Nothing else in there.
Manny Cheap, paper-mill diplomas!
Manny No use for it.
Manny What a jock.
Manny It's Domino's mouthpiece.
Manny Acch. Domino had this in his mouth.
Manny Domino's in all these pictures, shaking hands with dead celebs.
Manny No use for it.
Manny Not interested.
Manny I can't go strolling through the halls now...I'm on the lam!
Manny I'm going to try to guess his password...
Manny Nope. It's not "GOLDEN BOY."
Manny I'm going to try to guess his password...
Manny And it's not "MR. D" either.
Manny So much for "DOMMY."
Manny "ARROGANT FRAUD" doesn't work...
Manny Whew. I was scared it might be "EVA."
Manny Well, he likes "BOXING" too, but that ain't it.
Manny Not "GREED."
Manny Not "VANITY."
Manny Not "SLEAZE."
Manny I give up.
Manny I give up.
Manny I give up.
Manny Not portable.
Manny He's got a lock on it!
Manny I can't believe he doesn't trust me!
Manny Even the view out his window is better than mine, somehow.
Manny It's Domino's mouthpiece.
Manny Why am I carrying this around?
Manny "Congratulations, Domino, on your new job! -- Hector"

EXT Ledge DAY

Manny I wonder if that's how Domino meant it to be used.
Manny That ladder goes to the roof.
Manny You'd have to be crazy to climb on that.
Manny You'd have to be crazy to climb on that.
Manny You'd have to be crazy to climb on that.
Manny You'd have to be crazy to climb on that.
Manny That ladder goes to the roof.

EXT Roof DAY

Manny Ah--the pigeons obviously like this dish vent.
Manny I prefer to eat out of clean dishes that aren't nailed to the roof.
Manny It's part of the roof!
Manny I don't like the looks of those pigeons.
Manny Shoo!
Manny I don't have a net, or a desire to have a pet pigeon.
Manny Hey!
Manny Watch it!
Manny Get 'em off me!
Manny I prefer to eat out of clean dishes that aren't nailed to the roof.
Manny Back off, birds!
Manny Maybe that will scare them... Eventually.
Manny Run you pigeons! It's Robert Frost!
Manny I'm warning you little roof-chickens, show some respect.
Manny Run you pigeons! It's Robert Frost!
Manny Run you pigeons! It's Robert Frost!
Manny Run you pigeons! It's Robert Frost!
Manny Run you pigeons! It's Robert Frost!
Manny Run you pigeons! It's Robert Frost!
Manny Run you pigeons! It's Robert Frost!
Manny There's a not-very-scary balloon in there.
Manny Hmmm. They don't look scared.
Manny I think they're actually laughing at me.
Manny Hmmm. They don't look scared.
Manny I think they're actually laughing at me.
Manny There's a not-very-scary balloon in there.
Manny They might not know how much scarier a dingo is than a regular dog.
Manny They're everywhere!
Manny I think they're looking at me.
Manny They seem to be plotting something.
Manny If they all attacked at once, they could carry me off and I'd never be heard from again.
Manny Shoo!
Manny Shoo!
Manny Shoo!
Manny If I just hand it to them, I'm liable to lose a finger or two.
Manny If I just hand it to them, I'm liable to lose a finger or two.
Manny I'd get crumbs all over.
Manny Yeah, beat it you lousy little ledge-peckers!
Manny Just a couple crumbs and shreds of latex.
Manny So that's where the vermin come from.
Manny So that's where the vermin come from.
Manny You must come with me, young ones, for I am the Grim Reaper.
Manny I think I should get out of here with these eggs before those vent-vultures come back.
Manny Man, are those pigeons gonna be ticked!
Manny Man, are those pigeons gonna be ticked!
Manny That wouldn't be a very good use of this special ceremonial bread.
Manny I don't want to mess up my blade.
Manny Just a couple crumbs and shreds of latex.
Manny This doesn't look anything like Robert Frost.

EXT Ledge DAY

Manny Those are some ugly ties.
Manny I can't believe I climbed up that thing.
Manny These babies are going to war!
Manny It's Domino's mouthpiece.
Manny Why am I carrying this around?

INT. Glottis' Workshop DAY

Manny Fil-a-Dent: good for dents, great for dentures!

INT. Garage DAY

Manny The driver-demons operate this somehow, and the company won't tell us salesmen how it works.
Manny There are lights for "Wash," "Rinse," "Wax..."
Manny ...and "Land of the Living" depending on your destination.
Manny I'm not going upstairs!
Manny I want them to think I'm still locked in the shop!
Manny I'm not going upstairs!
Manny I want them to think I'm still locked in the shop!

EXT Street Festival DAY

Manny My kid wants another balloon animal.
balloon twister Ah geez. What now?
Manny Can I have another cat?
balloon twister Did you lose the one I gave ya?
Manny No.
balloon twister Well, then just enjoy that one for a while longer, all right?
Manny I'll have another dingo, please.
balloon twister Did you lose the one I gave ya?
Manny No.
balloon twister Well, then just enjoy that one for a while longer, all right?
Manny Do you have any more dead worms back there?
balloon twister Look, if I give you any more of those, you'll be able to go into business for yourself.
balloon twister So forget it.
Manny I'll just take a little more bread, to honor the dead.
Manny That wouldn't be a very good use of this special ceremonial bread.
Manny I'll just take a little more bread, to honor the dead.
Manny I'll just take a little more bread, to honor the dead.
Manny I'll just take a little more bread, to honor the dead.
Manny I've got some!
Manny I've got some!
Manny The Bread of the Dead.
Manny I've got some!
Manny I've got some!
Manny I've got some!
Manny I've got some!

EXT Alley DAY

Manny Agent Calavera, and two guests.

INT. L.S.A. Headquarters DAY

Manny I have a couple of things for show and tell...
Manny Check these babies out.
Salvador EXCELLENT, Manuel!
Salvador With these, I can breed an entire ARMY of winged messengers!
Salvador Our revolution can spread now across the land, carried on the shimmering wings of justice, thanks to you...
Salvador ...Agent Calavera!
Manny I, myself, would also like to spread across the land...
Salvador But you can't. We need your dental work here to access the computer.
Salvador I'm sorry, but freedom has its price!
Manny Salvador seems to be concentrating.
Manny Look, you got the eggs you wanted, now can I go?
Salvador Sorry, but your teeth... the revolution depends on your teeth.
Manny Why won't you help me out?
Eva I need your teeth, remember?
Eva Oooh, what is that? Custard?
Manny Try it.
Eva No thanks. I'm watching my figure.
Manny This mouthpiece is full of Fil-A-Dent.
Manny Wow, that made a perfect impression of my teeth.
Manny ..and left quite a chalky aftertaste, too.
Eva Manny, this looks like a perfect impression of your teeth.
Eva We can use this as a mold to make a fake set of teeth, and get into the computer system that way.
Salvador Good work soldier.
Salvador You are a friend of the revolution, Agent Calavera, and now...
Salvador ...let me be of service to you.

(Love is for the living)

Salvador You must go to the town of Rubacava, my friend, if you want to find your lost soul.
Manny How do YOU know where she is?
Salvador I don't. But everyone who wants to get to the Ninth Underworld must cross the Sea of Lament, and therefore must go to Rubacava to get passage on a ship. As long as you get there before she does, you'll find her, but it may be quite a wait.
Manny I'll wait as long as it takes.
Salvador Manuel? Are you...
Salvador ...in love with her?
Manny Love? Love is for the living, Sal. I'm only after her for one reason...
Manny ...she's my ticket out of here.

EXT Edge of the Petrified Forest EVENING

Manny That was some tunnel--I'm all the way to the edge of the Petrified Forest!
Manny That Salvador really knows how to do this espionage thing with style.
Manny That Salvador really knows how to do this espionage thing with style.
Manny After all I did to get out of town?
Manny I am NEVER going back to that place again!
Manny At least, not without Meche.
Manny After all I did to get out of town?
Manny I am NEVER going back to that place again!
Manny At least, not without Meche.
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny That Salvador really knows how to do this espionage thing with style.

EXT The Petrified Forest EVENING

Glottis Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaah!
Glottis A-hoo hoo hoo...
Manny Glottis, my friend!
Manny Why are you crying?
Glottis Manny?
Glottis Oh, Manny!
Glottis They fired me!
Glottis Waaaaaaah! Waaaaaaaah!
Manny Me too, buddy!
Glottis You don't understand, Manny!
Glottis I was created just to do that job! It's the only thing that makes me happy!
Glottis It's like they reached into my chest...
Glottis ...and pulled out my heart!
Glottis And threw it into the woods to...
Manny Glottis! What have you done!
Manny Oh Glottis...

(Flying spiders descend on Glottis' still-beating heart)

Manny Wake up, buddy!
Manny Wake up, buddy!
Manny I'd need a fifty-foot crane and a flatbed truck.
Manny I wonder how long he can live without a heart?
Manny I wonder how long he can live without a heart?
Manny This sign post seems to be pointing the way to Rubacava.
Manny Nah, it's too well-anchored.
Manny Nah, it's too well-anchored.
Manny It says, "Bone Wagon" on the side.
Manny I can't drive that thing!
Manny I left my tow truck back in my other suit.
Manny I can't just leave Glottis laying there. He could be dying!

EXT Spiders' Lair EVENING

Manny Oh, no...
Manny Oh, ick.
Manny Shoo!
Manny These spiders have Glottis' heart in their web!
Manny Ugh! It's stuck in there good.
Manny Ugh! It's stuck in there good.
Manny I guess I could always use a spare.
Manny It's an ugly pile of bones, like me.
Manny It's an ugly pile of bones, like me.
Manny I don't need any more. I'm practically MADE of them.
Manny I don't need any more. I'm practically MADE of them.
Manny Ewwww. Something has sucked the marrow out.
Manny Ewwww. Something has sucked the marrow out.
Manny "WARNING: Fire System, Do Not Touch."
Manny My scythe--I like to keep it next to where my heart used to be.
Manny Piece of cake.
Manny Ay Chihuahua.
Manny Don't think that's gonna work.
Manny Soup's on!
Manny Hmmmm...
Manny They don't seem very interested in that bone I put in there.
Manny Oh, poor spiders. No more demon heart to eat.
Manny I'm not getting my hands tangled up in that!
Manny What can they catch in that? Owls?

EXT The Petrified Forest EVENING

Manny It's still beating.
Manny It's still beating.
Manny This heart belongs to Glottis, nowhere else.

EXT Spiders' Lair EVENING

Manny This heart belongs to Glottis, nowhere else.

EXT The Petrified Forest EVENING

Glottis (Gasp) AH HEART! HEART IS GOOD!
Glottis BE GOOD TO HEART!
Glottis DON'T TEAR OUT HEART!
Glottis HEART IS GOOD!
Glottis STRONG BEATING GOOD HEART.
Glottis Hey, is that my car?

(Don Copal is sprouted)

EXT Ledge DAY

Domino Mr. LeMans, I assure you the missing woman will be found. I will personally track her down myself.
Hector Just like you personally picked her up from the Land of the Living?
Domino That was my intention, but Agent Calavera somehow got to her first.
Hector We gave you the fastest car, Domino. We gave you all the best clients. You had all the advantages, so how was this Calavera able to sneak in there and eat your lunch?
Manny Oh, now Hector, you can't get too mad at Domino. That wasn't his fault--
Hector Oh, I can, Don. You should know I CAN get too mad. But not at Domino. After all, he wasn't in charge of this operation.
Hector At least, not until now.
Manny Hector! No!
Manny Agggggggk!
Hector Marigolds... Hm. Funny...
Hector For some reason, I was expecting tulips. Well, maybe Mr. Calavera, eh, Domino? Why don't you personally go down to the basement and escort him up here? The sooner he's sprouted and we can get back to business, the better.

EXT The Petrified Forest EVENING

Manny Wanna go for a ride?
Glottis I thought you'd never ask!
Glottis OH!
Glottis Sorry.
Manny He wasn't kidding--he really loves to drive!
Manny Not right now.
Manny Not right now.

EXT Confusing Clearing EVENING

Manny Not right now.

EXT The Petrified Forest EVENING

Manny He wasn't kidding--he really loves to drive!

EXT Tree Farm EVENING

Manny Híjole Mano!
Manny What sort of unholy Christmas tree farm is this, Glottis?
Manny Glottis?
Glottis Manny, check out this wheelbarrow, will ya?
Glottis With a couple ATV nubbie tires on the back and a two-stroke lawnmower engine, we could make one SWEET go-cart!
Manny Hmmm.
Manny The switch is up.
Glottis Oooh, careful, Manny.
Glottis With the harmonic balancer turned off, those pumps might shake that tree apart!
Glottis Oh! But!
Glottis Oh!
Glottis If we shook the tree down, those pumps would dislodge, and I could make high-lift shocks out of them for the Bone Wagon!
Glottis Hold on, I'm going to un-balance that wheel with some of these weights.
Glottis That'll shake her down for sure!
Glottis Okay, just give me a second to balance these doggies!
Glottis Aaaaaaaay!
Glottis Maaaaaannnnyyyy! What are you doooooooiiiiinnnnnnggggg?
Manny Outside of the entertainment value, that didn't do what I had hoped.
Glottis That was a dirty trick, Manny!
Manny Oh, it was an accident--I bumped the switch with my elbow!
Glottis Oh, okay.
Manny I'm sure it helps the handling, but did he have to make it SO low to the ground?

EXT The Petrified Forest EVENING

Glottis Manny, this is a low-riding street rod, not a four-by-four!
Glottis We don't have the clearance for that kinda road.
Glottis I ain't driving back to town, Manny!

EXT Tree Farm EVENING

Manny He looks a little dizzy.
Manny Glottis, what are they doing to that tree?
Glottis Oh, City Boy!
Glottis You work all day in a sixty-story skyscraper, but didn't you ever wonder what it was made of?
Glottis The marrow of these trees, Manny, they suck it out, it's like cement!
Manny Is that why the town's called, "El Marrow?"
Glottis Huh... Never thought of that...
Glottis MAYBE SO!
Manny This place gives me the creeps.
Glottis I'm ready to go when you are.
Manny This place gives me the creeps.
Glottis I'm ready to go when you are.
Manny There's no door on this trailer. I think it's just a big generator.
Manny No trailer hitch on the Bone Wagon.
Manny No trailer hitch on the Bone Wagon.
Manny The switch is up.
Glottis Hey, while you have that off, let me try moving those weights around some more.
Glottis Now, no monkey business this time, Calavera!
Manny The switch is down.
Manny That wheel should really be shaking the tree down, don't you think?
Glottis That should do it!
Manny Still not enough.
Glottis Hey, maybe if I moved them around a little...
Glottis Hey, while you have that off, let me try moving those weights around some more.
Glottis Now, no monkey business this time, Calavera!
Manny That WOULD make a decent go-cart...
Glottis That should do it!
Manny Still not enough.
Glottis Hey, maybe if I moved them around a little...
Manny This place gives me the creeps.
Glottis I'm ready to go when you are.
Manny That WOULD make a decent go-cart...
Manny I'd climb it myself, but I don't want to take all the fun away from Glottis.
Manny That wheel should really be shaking the tree down, don't you think?
Manny Not picking that up.
Glottis Hey, while you have that off, let me try moving those weights around some more.
Glottis Now, no monkey business this time, Calavera!
Glottis Mannnny! Yooooouuuu prooooommmmiiiiiiised!

(Eagles on pogo sticks)

Manny Whooooaaaa!...Ooof!....Ugh.
Manny Manny, until now we scraped along the ground like rats, but from now on, we soar! Like eagles! Yeah! LIKE EAGLES...ON...POGO STICKS!!!
Manny What a relief. I was getting concerned that our transportation wasn't ostentatious enough.
Manny Get in! Or are you afraid of heights?

EXT The Petrified Forest EVENING

Manny He wasn't kidding--he really loves to drive!
Manny I left my tow truck back in my other suit.

EXT Beaver Dam EVENING

Manny I'm thinking the next project should be wings.
Manny I get the feeling there's something on the other side of this gate that I'm not going to like.
Glottis MANNY! What are you doing?
Glottis Don't you know what's on the other side of that gate?
Manny Yeah, the way out of the forest.
Glottis Demon beavers, Manny! They'll make you into a dam!
Manny Relax Geppetto, I'm not made of wood.
Glottis But Manny!
Glottis They don't use wood...

EXT Big Gate EVENING

Manny Aaaaiiieee!

EXT Beaver Dam EVENING

Manny I couldn't take that off with my bare hands...
Manny There's a big, old padlock on this outer gate.
Manny I couldn't take that off with my bare hands...
Manny If only I hadn't thrown away that little hand-exerciser Domino got me for secret Santa...

EXT Big Gate EVENING

Manny Aaaaiiieee!
Manny I wonder if this thing is rated for rodents.
Manny This river seems to be made of tar.
Manny But those beavers just seem to cut through it like water.
Manny No, I don't think I could swim a single stroke in that tar.
Manny This river seems to be made of tar.
Manny But those beavers just seem to cut through it like water.
Manny I forgot my tar ladle.
Manny No, I don't think I could swim a single stroke in that tar.
Manny This river seems to be made of tar.
Manny But those beavers just seem to cut through it like water.
Manny Hmmm.
Manny Hmmm.
Manny Hmmm.
Manny Hmmm.
Manny Hmmm.
Manny These monsters have made a dam out of human bones.
Manny I don't need any more. I'm practically MADE of them.
Manny I don't need any more. I'm practically MADE of them.
Manny That road leads out of the forest, I'm sure, but I don't think I'd get very far on foot.
Manny Plus, how could I leave without Glottis?

EXT Confusing Clearing EVENING

Manny The sign looks like it's pointing to one of those dark passageways.
Manny The sign looks like it's pointing to one of those dark passageways.
Manny ¡Lotería!
Manny That's kinda cool.

EXT Curvy Road EVENING

Glottis Manny, I'm scared of that sign.
Manny It looks like some sort of warning sign...
Manny "They'll tear you apart, bone by bone...
Manny ...and build with you a human throne.
Manny Their buck-toothed king will sit upon
Manny What once was you, but now is gone.
Manny This key unlocks the gates of Hell.
Manny Steady traveler, use it well."
Manny Can't pass up an old, creepy key!
Manny "They'll tear you apart, bone by bone...
Manny ...and build with you a human throne.
Manny Their buck-toothed king will sit upon
Manny What once was you, but now is gone.
Manny This key unlocks the gates of Hell.
Manny Steady traveler, use it well."
Manny It's the key to the gates of Hell, I seem to recall.
Manny Doesn't do much by itself.
Manny You know, if I had had a car like this when I was alive, things would have been different.
Manny That doesn't look like "The Gates of Hell" to me.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.
Manny That's not on fire.

EXT Beaver Dam EVENING

Manny Okay, the Beasts of Black River are blowing bubbles at the bottom.
Manny So let's power on through, huh Glot?
Glottis Manny, look at that bad-ass gate. I can't drive through that.
Glottis We have to find the key!
Manny ¡Híjole!
Manny It's the key to the gates of Hell, I seem to recall.
Manny This outer gate is huge!
Manny I'll need Glottis to open it.

EXT Big Gate EVENING

Glottis Manny, I don't know if I like driving over people.
Manny They can't feel it. They're dead.
Glottis You're dead, and I wouldn't wanna drive over you.
Manny That's because you and I, Glottis...
Manny Are friends.
Glottis Oh, Manny...

(Manny and Glottis arrive in Rubacava)

EXT Road from the Forest EVENING

Manny Hello?
Manny Ms. Colomar!
Manny We're here to save you!
Manny Hey, lay off the racket! The whole town's asleep!
Manny But I wanna drag race! When they get a load o' my car, we're gonna be the talk of the town! Heh.
Manny You're right. We're gonna have to find a good place to hide that road show.
Manny Speaking of hiding, I wonder if Meche's here already? I'm gonna go see what I can stir up. Not a bad piece of real estate, actually. It's got potential...

EXT Rub-a-Mat MORNING

Manny Uh!
Manny Ooof.

(Manny falls into the Sea of Lament)

Manny Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
Velasco Ohhh, tourists!
Velasco You gotta watch your step around here, stranger.
Velasco Rubacava ain't the quaint little port town she used to be.
Velasco Wwwweeell-hell-hell. Looks like there's a new vessel in town.
Velasco Pardon me whilst I go check her out!
Glottis Well, actually, it's mostly stock, with a few mods here and there...
Velasco So would those be glass packs I'm hearing, or turbos?
Glottis There was this one high-pitched whine it was making--really grating noise, you know?
Glottis And I searched and searched, but I couldn't find the source of the noise, until we pulled in here.
Velasco Was it the blower?
Glottis No, it was Manny screaming in the back like a cat tied to a cruise missile!
Velasco Ah-ha ha! That's a good'n.
Manny Hola!
Glottis Hey, Manny!
Glottis Dockmaster Velasco here says he's got a place we can dry-dock the Bone Wagon for a while.
Velasco Oh, yeah--we can't leave a beauty like this out in the fog, or her chrome will get pitted.
Glottis Pitted? Did you hear that, Manny?
Velasco You folks gonna stay in Rubacava for a spell?
Manny We're here looking for a woman named Mercedes Colomar.
Velasco I'm not too good with names...
Velasco Did she have any distinguishing marks or a tattoo?
Manny Not that she showed me.
Velasco Well, like I said, I'm as good with names as you are with the fog...
Velasco Heh heh.
Manny I might be here a while. Is there any work in this town?
Velasco Oh, there's lot's of work down at the docks, but it's all union work.
Velasco Eh-heh, a-and I just don't see you in that union (huh, huh, huh).
Manny How do you get around here with all the mist?
Velasco Ah-uh, when you've strolled these docks as long as I have, pilgrim...
Velasco You know where you are by smell of the sea, by the sound of the lonely fog horn...
Velasco ...by the icy touch of the cold, salty air.
Glottis Wow...
Glottis Manny? Could I have an eyepatch?
Manny Can I just ask--what IS under the eyepatch?
Manny ...because I KNOW it's not an eye.
Velasco Oh, well, when I was alive I had an eye patch like this...
Velasco ...this one's just for the phantom pain...
Velasco And that one eye socket used to scream like a banshee when the trade winds blew, so I plugged her.
Glottis Hey, Manny, we WERE in the middle of a conversation here...
Manny Hey, hey, okay.
Manny I wish Glottis would hide that thing!
Manny Glottis, you've got to hide that car!
Glottis In a minute Manny, I'm talking to Mr. Dockmaster here.
Manny I left my tow truck back in my other suit.
Manny He's fine right where he is.
Manny I think I'll wait for the fog to clear before I try exploring town again.

INT. Rub-a-Mat MORNING

Manny All these door have numbers and pictures of food on them...
Manny What's number #22
Celso Lengua.
Manny Wow. It's been a long time since I had a tongue.
Manny Hey, how do I open these?
Celso You wait 'til we start serving, that's how.
Manny Hey, how do I open these?
Celso You wait 'til we start serving, that's how.
Manny Hmmm... maybe I should place a personal ad...
Celso I tried it, believe me: It attracts the WRONG kind of women.
Manny Hmmm... maybe I should place a personal ad...
Celso I tried it, believe me: It attracts the WRONG kind of women.
Manny Hmmm... maybe I should place a personal ad...
Celso I tried it, believe me: It attracts the WRONG kind of women.
Manny I hate the way mustard spouts get all crusted like that.
Manny I have bigger things on my mind right now than condiments.
Manny The glove compartment on the Bone Wagon is FULL of tiny ketchup and mustard packets...
Manny Not to mention soy sauce--I really don't need any more.
Manny The glove compartment on the Bone Wagon is FULL of tiny ketchup and mustard packets...
Manny Not to mention soy sauce--I really don't need any more.
Manny This guy looks familiar...
Manny Not picking that up.
Manny Mr. Flores?
Manny I'm ready to take you now.
Celso Manny Calavera? Is that you?
Celso Didn't you used to be...
Celso TALLER?
Manny I'm here to reclaim that walking stick.
Celso I broke it over the head of some hideous monsters in the forest.
Manny I'm looking for a woman named Mercedes Colomar.
Celso Well, no one's come through town by that name, and you can take it from me.
Celso I, too, am looking for someone, so I watch the comings and goings around here VERY carefully.
Manny Who are you looking for?
Celso Well, if you must know, it's about my wife...
Celso I got word that she passed away not long after I, and that she, too, was crossing the Land of the Dead on foot.
Celso It is said that all lost souls come to Rubacava, so I came here to wait for her.
Manny You must love her very much, Celso.
Celso Yes, this is true...
Celso Of course, she also has all of my money...
Manny How do you know your wife hasn't gone ahead of you?
Celso Oh, Manny--If she had arrived here first, SURELY she would have waited for me!
Manny I'll help you find your wife. What did she look like?
Celso Oh, here.
Celso I got this from the DOD, and made copies to hand out.
Celso Isn't she something?
Manny She must have been beautiful with skin.
Celso Weren't we all?
Manny So, know a good place to stay in town?
Celso What's your price range?
Manny Somewhere around the high-end of nothing.
Celso Then maybe, young man, it's time you started thinking about a job.
Manny Well, I'd better go see how my other clients are doing...
Celso If you say so, Manny.
Manny It's Celso's wife--Actually I don't think skin would help.
Manny That soul has already been reaped.
Manny I just got this thing!
Manny I just got this thing!
Manny I just got this thing!

EXT Rub-a-Mat MORNING

Manny Ever seen this woman?
Velasco Oh, if this is the woman you're looking for, take my advice...
Velasco Forget about her!
Velasco She sailed out of here weeks ago in a cozy portside cabin built for two, and she wasn't alone.
Manny How do you know she sailed out of here? I don't believe it!
Velasco It's a tough break junior, but you gotta face it!
Velasco Here! Look it up in my port log if you want it in writing!
Velasco Six weeks ago on a Tuesday. Ticket for two, paid in full!
Velasco I cracked the champagne on the bow myself!
Glottis Hey, Manny, we WERE in the middle of a conversation here...
Manny Hey, hey, okay.
Velasco Look, I know how you feel son.
Velasco Once I lost a very special lady myself.
Velasco I waved to her from the docks as she sailed out of port and I never saw her again.
Manny What was her name?
Velasco The "SS Lamancha" was her name...
Velasco But don't make me talk about her 'cuz I...I just can't do it.
Manny Velasco's log book says Celso's wife took a bunk with a hunk.
Manny I can't throw away Velasco's logbook.
Manny I'm not done reading it yet.
Manny I don't really want to do that.
Manny That soul has already been reaped.
Manny I don't want to mess up my blade.

INT. Rub-a-Mat MORNING

Manny Can you get me a job here?
Celso Have any skills?
Manny Sales.
Celso Well, that does qualify you for a certain position, but...
Celso We only have one mop.
Celso I'm sorry Manuel, I've got to get this place ready to open...
Manny Right. I'll let you know if I see your wife.
Celso She'll be the one asking for her beloved Celso.
Manny Celso, your wife sailed out of here two months ago, with another man.
Manny It's all in there.
Celso Oh, Manny.
Celso Is there a greater constant in nature than the treachery of women?
Manny Forget about her, Celso.
Celso Have you forgotten yours?
Celso I'm going after her.
Celso You take over my job here--
Celso This mop, at least, will never let you down.
Celso That compass in the handle will sure come in handy, too!

(Manny spends a year in Rubacava)

Lupe Hey, Boss! You gonna come downstairs? I got a customer asking for ya.
Manny You know I don't like to mingle with the customers.
Lupe Well, you may wanna mingle with this one.
Lupe She sounds like your type.

EXT Balcony NIGHT

Manny Welllll, looks like a quiet night in old Rubacava...